Rogers and Hart
“I’m wild again, beguiled again
A simpering, whimpering child again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I…” Rogers and Hart
Love, so magical and intoxicating. The feeling hooks us and transforms us in wonderful and unimaginable ways. If we could just live in this feeling forever we would whistle while we work and there would be no such thing as a tedious chore. Every task would simply flow from the fountain of our endless love or be cast aside as meaningless and beside the point. Spotless floors, empty trash cans, paint the house, pay the bills…. or not. Who cares? From our position on the love-cloud we see only our beloved. We’ll clean the house for her, we’ll score that promotion for him….or not.
“Honey, would you get me a cold glass of water?”
“Of course, sweetheart, would you like an ice cube?”
Nothing’s too much trouble.
But things change. Of course the “self-less” parts of our personalities are still observable years later, but at some point, when “the honeymoon is over,” the rest of our personalities start to emerge. After months of “self-less” giving, our wants and ambivalences begin to reassert themselves. What used to be, “Anything you want, my darling,” becomes something else.
“Honey, would you get me a cold glass of water?”
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so tired, do you mind getting it yourself?”
Or even,
“Honey, would you get me a cold glass of water?”
“C’mon, will ya? I’m exhausted too, in case you haven’t noticed.”
If we are lucky, the biochemistry of initial attraction and infatuation will be transfigured into a biochemistry of deep attachment or bonding that will take us through the realities of living a life together. Don’t worry, it’s still love. For the Relationship Artist there is an overall feeling like a warm glow, quite capable at any time, of bursting into passionate flames.
Relationship Artists understand that a life together depends on what our grandmas used to call “give and take”. They understand that they can’t really make it through life in a “wild” and “beguiled” state, as much as they might like to. Without the Relationship Artist’s understanding that “love” is a verb, that “we both count all the time,” and that a relationship requires the participation of two grownups much of the time, there will be no “give and take,” and life together can easily devolve into an adversarial battle over who gets to be the “simpering whimpering child”.
